Feelings
by MyFrenzy
Summary: Fire doesn't blend well with water. In fact, it doesn't blend at all. Zuko/Katara. Oneshot.


_Feelings_

_we come from different ways  
so i tried to erase everything that i felt_

The peace of the world is restored.

She doesn't argue with that. Katara tells herself over and over that this is what they had worked for, this is why they have gone through so much pain and angst for; for world peace.

This is why she kissed Aang.

This is why she was supposed to be happy.

So then, she asks herself angrily, why isn't she?

They're all out of her reach now. Her group. Her friends. Even her brother. Even her brother is so busy restoring the world to its original state he doesn't notice how she is feeling inside, how she wishes they could go back to the old days, camping together, staying up late, watching Aang slowly become the young man he is today. She misses Toph's sarcastic remarks and floating energy. She misses flying on Appa, playing with Momo…

She misses bonding with Zuko.

And she hates it. She hates the aching feeling she gets when she sees Zuko muttering with some important general, with a slight crease on his face highlighting his worry. She hates feeling a void when Zuko smiles at Mai as their love grows day by day and they bond. They bond and she hates he's not bonding with her.

And she hates feeling this way. Because she is with Aang, not Zuko, and what gives her the right to feel this way anyway? What makes her think she's entitled to be a selfish bitch and want the whole world to revolve around her?

Maybe not the whole world, but what makes her think she is worthy of a Fire Lord's attention?

Deep inside she knows it is because he worked so hard for her approval, her trust during those hard days, that she grew accustomed to _him_ seeking _her_. And now that he no longer does this, now that the only thing exchanged between them are polite _good mornings_ or _good afternoons_ or _good evenings_ that are as dry as the Fire Nation's summer day, she no longer feels…hope.

She is staring out her room's window (they, including Sokka, her father, Suki, Toph and Aang, are staying at the palace while the Avatar and the Prince and the brave warriors that helped them sort this thing out) thinking about this when a soft knock on the door makes her turn.

Keeping her voice steady, as if she is feeling no wretched pain, she asks the visitor to please, come in.

Aang appears, his head bald and wearing the same clothes he insists on never taking off. Katara smiles at him, a fake smile she is surprised to know it works on Aang, who smiles right back at her as if their relationship were perfect, as if she loves him too.

"Aang! You're back!" she jumps up and hugs him, and he returns the hug with much enthusiasm. She doesn't lie when she says she is truly happy Aang is back, because she is, and no matter what kind of love Aang thinks she feels for him, he will always be her best friend.

"I missed you, Katara," Aang says, pulling away from her. "Going out to Kyoshi Island wasn't as fun without you."

Katara rolls her eyes. "You survived," she teases. She's not in a mood for this, but she can't help act as if this is a late night talk like before. When everything was normal—at least for her.

Aang grins. "I guess so," he says. "Though I did miss your motherly banters. I can't live without them!"

Katara giggles. "That is such a bad comparison considering…" she trails off, leaving him to guess the rest, not only because he should figure it out himself, but because she hates the fact that she brings it up when she doesn't want to be a part of it. Why is she so stupid?

Aang slaps his forehead. "You're right! I should really stop saying those kinds of things."

Katara sighs. "Old habits die hard." She thinks she knows this better than him, but Aang notices nothing going on but her superficial feelings, her fake feelings, so he only nods and agrees with her.

He says he'd better go find Zuko (her heart breaks involuntarily at that name, why oh why does it hurt so much more when it comes to him?) and tell him he is back. Katara hugs him once more, refusing to kiss him and says he'd better hurry.

He's gone now and Katara takes a deep breath and goes back to looking out the window. Her window has an amazing view of the Fire Nation, and how families and friends are interacting with each other, how many are laughing together, others seem to be falling in love (love. Love? No.) and others begin to hate each other. Katara is amazed by what is happening before her; she likes escaping her own pain, her own life (that feels fake, so fake) and seeing lives form before her.

She smiles at a young couple holding hands. She wonders what it is they feel when they hold hands. Do they feel what Aang feels when he holds her hand? What she _doesn't _feel when she kisses Aang?

…what she feels when she thinks of Zuko?

Apart from the pain it causes her?

Katara knows she can't stay there all day. She must go downstairs to eat. She doesn't only say this because her stomach has rumbled very loudly. She stand up and walks away from the window, from her room, and hides her pain in there.

* * *

Everyone is already in the table when she reaches the kitchen. Everyone stops talking all of a sudden and looks at her. She bows to Zuko (Zuko doesn't look her in the eye and it hurts, oh how it hurts) and walks to her chair, next to Sokka, across from Aang, whereas Zuko sits at the end of the table facing all of them.

Sokka is the first to speak to her. "I'm glad you came Katara!" he says. Katara smiles faintly at her brother (such a stranger now). "We were actually speaking of something important, and you might be able to help."

Katara rose an eyebrow. "Another healing problem?" this is what Katara has been doing, it is the reason only she hasn't been relocated yet or sent on a mission—because she stays here to heal the sick and wounded.

Sukko laughed. Fake. Just like always, recently. "No, Katara, we don't only need you for healing…actually, I think Zuko should take it from here." He holds an awkward face, as if he doesn't know what to do, as if he is clueless. There's the Sokka she knows.

Katara looks over at Zuko. "Lord Zuko?" Katara swears he flinches slightly at what she calls him, but he is only that now, isn't he? Only the Fire Lord. No longer her friend (hurt, hurt, hurt).

"Yes," Zuko nods. "Here's the thing. I've given new assignments to everyone in this table, to go to different locations to help in whatever way they possibly can," he explains. Katara nods. "The only problem is I cannot go alone to the location I plan on going. Seeing as everyone has a location picked for them already, except for you, I was wondering if you would do me the honor of accompanying me."

Katara freezes. Accompany him? To just feel even more distant? To feel even worse pain? "I don't understand why you can't go alone," she means to sound rude, cold, indifferent, but instead it comes out shaky and unsure.

"I'm not entirely sure everyone trusts me quite yet," he explains. "Not fully. We know how long it took _you _to trust me"—a flash of something (regret?) crosses his eyes—"and these are your people we're to help."

Fire doesn't blend well with water. In fact, it doesn't blend at all. Katara's heart skips a beat. "You're going to the Southern Water Tribe?" she asks, just as shakily as before.

Zuko merely nods.

Katara looks at Sokka. Sokka understands her confused look. "I can't go, Katara. I'm helping out in re building Omashu."

Katara nods, understanding. "Aang?"

Aang looks up from his food, and with his mouth full, he says, "The Northern Water Tribe apparently needs help as well. I don't know for what, but…" he shrugs.

Katara knows this is hopeless. She is to go with Zuko. This is not entirely bad, she admits. She gets to see her people again, her Gran Gran. So she looks at Zuko. "Then it would be an honor to accompany you, Lord Zuko."

Again, that slight flinch. He nods and answers a quiet 'thank you', and the atmosphere quickly changes. It is lighter, and everyone resumes their conversation.

Katara is silent throughout the meal, and only picks at her food. She is no longer hungry all of a sudden. And she can't eat, not with a certain someone's watchful eye upon her.

* * *

Katara doesn't even get to say goodbye, for everyone is already out sailing in their own ship (except for Aang, who has the luxury of riding in Appa) and Zuko and she are the last to leave.

Zuko is speaking in a quick, frustrated low voice to his uncle. Iroh seems unperturbed by his nephew's rantings and says something in a more patient tone. Zuko, on the other hand, grunts and storms off to the ship. Katara only watches him as he goes by.

Iroh comes over to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. "You should know, Katara," he says. "That I am the one that suggested you accompany my nephew in the first place."

If Iroh thinks this makes her thankful to him, he is very, very wrong. She feel a pang of annoyance at this. "Okay, Iroh," she states.

Iroh shakes his head. "Let me speak, young one," he says. "I only suggested this because I need someone to break through to him." Katara's ears perk up at this. "I need someone to let him know he is still the same Zuko he was before—well, the good one at least—and not just Fire Lord Zuko. I need him to know that things are still normal."

Katara can't believe this. She is supposed to convince Zuko of something she herself believes is not true? What she _knows_ is not true?

But Iroh looks so desperate at this moment, Katara shamefully nods. "I will do the best I can." That's all. She will not promise. That is because there is no way she will be keeping it.

"That is all I can ask for." Iroh says. Katara respectfully bows to Iroh and retreats herself to the ship.

Zuko has just finished speaking to the captain, and he turns around only to make unexpected eye contact. It is this that causes Katara's stomach to flip once, twice…

And she breaks the eye contact before the third flip. She can't stand this. She can't stand feeling this way toward him because she doesn't know _when _she started feeling this way. And this scares her because shouldn't she, of all people, know this small insignificant detail?

Katara walks quickly into the ship and finds a room to call her own. Now all she sees when looking out is the water. Oh what beautiful water…

* * *

She doesn't know exactly when she drifted off, but a knock on the door interrupts her slumber. "Come in," she invites, and a Navy Officer salutes her.

"Your dinner is served, ma'am," he says in a flat tone. Katara nods.

"May I ask..where it is served?" she asks.

The Officer makes way through the doorway to let her through. "I will lead you there, if you'd like."

Katara knows this isn't really an offer, it is more of an order. She merely nods and stands up to walk towards the door. "Lead the way," she says, and the Officer leads the way.

When they finally reach the dining hall, Katara is shocked. It's smaller than she expected it to be, with only a small table capable of holding four people. She has grown so accustomed to the great dining hall back at the palace…

And then she almost has a heart attack when she realizes she will be dining with the company of no other than Zuko. This is too much for her to take in. She starts to feel dizzy, but she manages to thank the officer and take a seat.

Zuko does not look up once. He seems to be intently staring at his hands, and this annoys Katara. Perhaps it is what encourages her to speak.

"Good evening, Lord Zuko," she says, and takes immense pleasure in seeing him flinch once again. "How are you?"

"Fine." He states simply, not bothering on being polite and asking how she was. Katara at this point is fuming (no, she is hurting, not fuming, but she is angered by her hurt.) and she decides to speak again.

"So what is it that you plan on doing to help my people?" Katara asks, attempting to sound friendly. Zuko finally looks at Katara, and he is looking surprised.

"I didn't think…well, I just thought you'd go along with…" he trails off, looking unsure of what to say next. Katara holds back a laugh (this is like old times, she thinks. This is the Zuko I thought I knew.) and continues making conversation as they wait for their dinner.

"Oh well, of course I want to know what it is you want to do to help," Katara feigns hurt. "They are my people, Zuko. I think I deserve to know what I will be doing to help them, not just go along with it once I get there."

Of course, this was exactly what Katara was planning to do until now. Seeing how much it pains him to speak of this certain subject, this was immensely fun for her. (fun, yes, how she needs a positive feeling to cover up her negative ones…)

Zuko seems annoyed. "Well, if you must know, it seems your village has…multiplied," he says.

Suddenly Katara isn't so intent on joking anymore. "Wh-what?"

He fidgets with his hands and is about to speak, but they are interrupted by two men who come in carrying their dinner plates. They silently set it down in front of each of them and retreat.

Katara look expectantly at Zuko. He shakes his head. "Eat," he says. "We will talk later."

When is later? Katara wonders, but she doesn't dare to argue. She doesn't want to argue. (…why?) They eat their food in silence and suddenly she feels very, very lonely.

* * *

It has to be the past midnight when Katara wakes up and walks up to the deck of the ship. She looks around, planning on enjoying the lovely ocean breeze, when she sees Zuko stading at the edge, looking out. Katara's heart almost stops seeing how amazing he looks with the moonlight hitting him (and why? The sun is his, not the moon, the sun, the sun…not water, fire, not her, not her…) and his features being enhanced. His hair flowing slightly (he does not wear the ponytail tonight, he looks just like the day she forgave him) and his face seems so calm, so relaxed…so at peace…

And of course Katara has to interrupt this. He cannot feel at peace, not after he has made her feel so angsty, so horrible…she walks up to him and clears her throat.

Zuko look shocked and turns around to look at her. He blushes (he blushes, oh how lovely, this makes her blush, this wasn't the plan…) and looks back. "You should not be up so late."

Katara waves this comment off. "It's later, you know," she says, referring to what he said at dinner. Zuko merely nods.

"It is," he agrees then he sighs. "Care to join me?"

At what, exactly? Katara thinks, but she only stands next to him. Their arms are so close to touching (so close, but they don't touch…) and Katara feels this heat, this heat that she cannot explain…

"So…" Katara swallows, pushing any other thoughts but her village aside. "How do you know they have multiplied? How is this possible?"

Zuko shakes his head. "You are worrying over nothing," he says. "I meant that some people from the Northern Water Tribe have decided to relocate there permanently and help rebuild and start a new life," he explains. "But this means more starving people, less resources…" he closes his eyes. "In truth Katara, I don't understand how I will help them with food. Shelter…I can help them with that. Warmth, we all know I can help with that…but food, this requires a trip back and forth for the rest of the world's existence, and it's not like we have plentiful supply of it to go world round thanks to the massive burning my father loved to cause…" he shook his head once again. "I don't know what to do."

He seems so fragile that Katara wants to hug him and never let go, let him know that she is here for him, that she always has been, unknowingly, and that she's worried about him, about those crease lines…

"You'll figure something out," she smiles slightly. "Idea guy."

Zuko smiles at her, and she feels a blush crawling towards her cheeks and she turns away.

"Why do you do that?" he asks suddenly. Katara is surprised and looks at him.

"Do—do what?" she stutters.

"You can't even look me in the eye anymore," he says quietly. "Am I that different that I have lost your friendship too?" he seems so terribly troubled and this hurts her oh so much and it's not true, if anything the feelings of 'friendship' have grown into something more intense…

Katara now understands what Iroh meant…he thought he was lost, wasn't him anymore…

"It's inevitable for things to change," Katara whispers. "You are now Fire Lord and we are trustworthy nobles, representatives…it isn't like back then, when we were fugitives," she takes a deep breath. "But you have not lost my friendship, Zuko." He looks at her and she smiles. "I would not permit it if you tried."

Zuko looks at her for a moment longer, then takes her hand. Little bits of electric sparks sizzle all over her body and they're very pleasurable, she will admit. So pleasurable she wonders if she would feel so much more with a mere hug…

She does not bear with the curiosity and she quickly embraces him. Zuko seems stiff and rigid at first, but then his arms wrap around her and it feels so good, so amazingly _right_ no matter how wrong it is in actuality, that she never wants to let go.

She buries her face in his neck and breathes in his scent, and she feels his lips lingering on her head, and she loves the feeling, she loves _him_, damn it, why does she love him so much? _When_ did she love him so much?

She feels both of their accelerated heart beats together, they seem like a scared humming bird, longing to be set free.

But they won't be set free. Not tonight. She pulls away, tears threatening to fall from her eyes and runs, back to her room, back to her haven, back to the feeling that tortures her to no end.

* * *

It's morning and they still have not arrived to the Southern Water Tribe. She thought maybe it would take a little less time than riding with Appa, and without all those pit stops, but apparently a ship is much slower than a flying bison.

She skips breakfast (she can't face him, not after she ran away like that) and decides to walk around the ship, just to see what kind of place it was.

There are many doors were the crew sleeps. It seems every single crew member has a room to themselves, Katara notes. This was interesting. It was a big ship…so why the small dining hall? She thinks with a small pang of annoyance. This means she has to face Zuko closely, and it isn't as if she could avoid it, because her hunger is getting the best of her.

Soon she finds her way back to her room, and right on time, because the Officer that has come to get her yesterday and this morning is back and telling her lunch is ready. She thanks him and walks, this time alone, to the small dining hall.

Lunch isn't as bad as she thinks it will be, anyway. They sit there and eat with no words being exchanged, thought they do exchange polite smiles every now and then. She doesn't know why this makes her feel like flying, but it does, and she's liking it very much.

Zuko excuses himself from the table a little while later, and now she feels alone all over again.

She doesn't like feeling alone.

She's never liked it, she knows.

* * *

Her nap is interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Is it time for dinner? She thinks hazily, and grudgingly invites whoever it is inside.

Imagine her surprise when Zuko comes in and holds up his hands. "Hey," he says awkwardly.

Katara blinks. "Hey," she sits up. "Did you wanna…" she motions him to sit next to her. Zuko walks over and does as she says.

Her heart is skipping a beat. "What's up?" she asks, trying to sound casual. Zuko looks at his hands.

"Katara…I need your help," he stutters, as if disgusted with himself for asking this. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at a dead end. I don't know how to help your people."

She notices how hard this is for him to say, and she smirks. "You're not a fan of asking for help."

Zuko looks up at her and scowls. "Don't push me, Katara," he warns.

Katara giggles. "No, no, it's okay to ask for help once in a while," she pauses. "Though you do look a bit mortified." She giggles again and Zuko groans. "No, okay," she says, her expression softening. "I'm sorry but I—I am at loss as well," she tells him. "We can't give so much food supply to my people. That would risk the whole world's food supply and I—I wouldn't want that to happen." She says quietly.

Zuko nods. "I'm a bad leader," he mutters, and Katara is shocked.

"Don't—how could you say that?" she scolds. "You're a great leader and a great person, you only worry about the peace of your people." She shakes her head. "If anything you're _too_ good, Zuko." Katara is at loss at what else to say. "I—I think you're wonderful," she whispers.

Zuko looks at her, as if contemplating. "Thank you," he whispers back. Katara blushes and shrugs.

They sit in silence, both of them looking away from each other, and you can almost hear the fast beats of their hearts, their nervousness, the feelings that they have been wanting to hide, to push away, because they're wrong, wrong, wrong, no one would accept them, everyone knows it's wrong, they know it as well…

But they're so strong, thinks Katara, so strong that she swears it's an unexpected pull that makes her reach out and touch his scar so softly, and it's instinct that Zuko closes his eyes and stiffens…

"Your scar…is a sign of your bravery," Katara whispers. "I think…"

"No," Zuko pulls her hand away. "It's a shameful scar. I'd rather not live with it."

"It wouldn't be you, Zuko," Katara says. "It's a part of who you are,"

"Of the person I hate being now," he spits, standing up. "You wouldn't understand."

Katara stands as well. "Then make me understand," she says, her voice taking on a fierce tone. "Tell me why you hate that scar so much."

"It shames me!" he yells.

"Why? Why does it shame you Zuko?" Katara asks.

"Stop it!" he spits.

"No! Tell me. I want to know you, Zuko. I mean _really _know you. I want to know what's going on inside your head. I want to know that I'm not the only one feeling like crap," she spits back.

Zuko's eyes look furious. "Why do you want to know me so well? You'd just run. You'd feel sorry for me like everyone else does!" he yells at her.

"It takes one to know one," Katara says back. "How are you so sure that I'd feel that way? And why does it matter so much, anyway? Why were you always looking for my approval?"

"You're turning all of this around," Zuko says, frustration evident in his voice. "I thought you—"

"No, Zuko!" Katara fumes. "You didn't think! You _don't_ think! You don't _know_! You can't see through me! No one can and frankly I hate it! I hate that I was so easily readable to all of you and all of a sudden everyone is too busy to care or to notice that I'm going through torture, damn it! Torturous feelings that haunt me and I hate that none of you reach out to me…none of you can help me…" she reduces herself to tears and kneels down, hiding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Suddenly she feels strong hands grab her by the shoulders and pull her up, and somehow, she is not sure how, her lips make contact with Zuko's.

Everything else—what she had just said, those torturous feelings from before—disappears into oblivion. All she feels is Zuko, Zuko and Zuko. Their hearts are beating wildly (like they have so many times now) and their kiss is hungry, with passion, with regret, with _love_, they are pressed together and they can't find a way to get any closer, Katara loves the proximity, the kiss, the feel of Zuko's hair in her hands and Zuko's hands on the small of her back, clutching at her dress. She loves how they break contact only for a second to gasp for air and they continue kissing, as if the world is going to end if they stop (and she doesn't want to stop, please don't stop) and right now it doesn't matter if he's the Fire Lord or if she's a mere Water Tribe peasant, it doesn't matter that he's fire and she water, it doesn't matter that he's the sun and she's the moon, all that matters is this fiery kiss and how, while everyone might think it's wrong, she feels it's right, that it's perfectly, deliciously _right_.

Katara doesn't know how long they have been there, kissing all their troubles away, but she knows it has to end soon, and it better be now before anyone comes in and sees them like this. She pulls away and their both breathing heavily and gasping for air, but they don't break eye contact. Katara raised her hand and strokes Zuko's scar again. "What was that for?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Zuko overlaps the hand that is stroking his scar. "I knew, Katara," he whispers. "I always knew how you were feeling. And I'm sorry if I didn't do anything about it—it's just that I couldn't. I couldn't because I felt the exact same way, so how would I be of help?"

Katara's heart skipped a beat. He had always known. He had seen through her (something Aang hadn't seen, oh Aang) and he had wanted to help, but couldn't. Just as she had thought with him.

"My troubled feelings…they involved you," Katara whispers. "How I felt toward you—"

"And how it felt wrong." Zuko finishes her sentence. Katara nods. "I know," Zuko whispers. "It—it's not right. I am up to date with your relationship with Aang, and how we're…we're literally the opposite of one another." Zuko pulls away from her and turns, and Katara feels that cold lonely feeling once more.

She reaches out and turns him back around. "No," she says. "Aang…he feels something for me that I don't return…" she hesitates. "I thought I did but…but I don't and…if it was wrong, Zuko, if you knew that, then why kiss me?" tears threaten her eyes once more.

Zuko pulls her into a hug. "I can't stand seeing you suffer," he murmurs, sounding frustrated. "Please…you have to understand me Katara, you have to believe that I wanted to kiss you for so long, that I don't think I could have held it in for a second longer."

Katara nods. He is right. She thinks the exact same thing. "I liked it, if it counts for anything." Katara feels Zuko's smile.

"I did too."

And they stay like this. Embracing, not worrying about what comes next, not worrying about what anyone will say, not worrying about what they will do to help the world. They both smile and their hearts finally beat evenly, two young people both so in love that they don't care how opposite they were, one thing for sure, one thing is the exact same now, always has been:

Their feelings.

_then you kiss me and suddenly i don't care anymore  
__something in me tells me you're the one i'm looking for_


End file.
